12 signs that you are hurting yourself (and how to stop)
“If you treated your friends the way you sometimes treat yourself, then you probably would not have enough of them…”
Every relationship we have can be seen as a reflection of the relationship we have with ourselves, and building a proper relationship is largely based on us. By trusting ourselves, listening to our own thoughts and feelings, we become more authentic, and this gives us the amazing opportunity to feel comfortable with ourselves. But when we do not accept who we are, we project this onto others, like a mirror.
So what do you do when you wrong yourself?
1. You are critical
Remember that every time you break out and insult someone, whether it is behind their back or in front of you, you are essentially turning against yourself. Therefore, reverse the words you say, because what you just said is what you need to heal, accept, and process within yourself.
Verbal assault on someone, with rude remarks, is a sure sign that you are not at all okay with yourself. Maybe you are too harsh with him and you lack acceptance of yourself. When we judge others harshly, we not only bring aspects of ourselves to the forefront but at the same time we hurt someone else, based on our own perception of the world, which we think is the same for everyone.
2. You seek validation from others
We want attention and recognition from others when something is missing. A gap that needs to be filled and without the right tools and the ability to introspect, in order to understand and ease the cause, we seek an external reaction.
But you are the cause and the reaction. What you are looking for in the world is already within you, you already know the answer, because you asked the question. Evaluate yourself according to your own standards only and set the bar high, because you deserve it.
3. Putting yourself last
Doing things for others can give us joy and satisfaction, but there is also a sacrificed selfishness that we cannot bear to ignore. When we give up a lot in terms of the time we give, the energy, and our good intentions, we may think there is nothing wrong with that, but I must warn you that with an empty tank, you are not going anywhere and we definitely all need refills.
4. Repeating things you hate
Whether it’s at work, in a lifestyle, or in a relationship, the constant repetition, the vicious circle that does not serve you in something positive and superior, is not only unhealthy but can also cause mental and emotional problems such as anxiety and depression.
If you feel trapped in something, you already know you have to leave. This is not going to change and make you feel better in the future, so trust yourself and that something better awaits you in the next corner.
5. You are angry
“Anger is a sign that something needs to change» – Mark Epstein
What is anger and where it comes from? And why does it have the power to boil so intensely within us? Anger can knock on our door for many reasons. It is a sign that you are not happy with the current situation, whether it is an emotional or psychological issue.
To be honest, your basic needs are not being met and your ego is telling you loud and clear that you need to behave a little better about yourself.
6. Allowing others to get too involved in your life
“Can you remember who you were before people told you who you should be?” – Danielle LaPorte
Whether they are our parents, our friends, our colleagues, or our employers, we always get advice from elsewhere (whether we ask for it or not, that’s another story). The point is, yes, we have to listen to them, but that does not mean we have to accept or embrace them.
Feel if what you have been told fits you, your true self. Realize what ultimately allows you to play a role in making a decision because it’s your life alone.
7. White lies
Even the smallest is a reflection of your self-confidence. Never fall low to try to impress someone else. Be true, because you are enough just as you are. Anyone who can not respect the truth is not worth your time.
8. Hide Your Emotions
In our quest to stifle our emotions, we ‘rinse’ them through the use of alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, and anything else that might distract us and the greatest tragedy of all is that when we choose to forget the bad, we forget the good. In the end, we end up with a complete inability to understand our own feelings and therefore our wants.
9. You can not process the bad and continue
You can not add more water to your glass if it is already full. When we can not release past experiences, through emotional, psychological, and spiritual processing, we feel that we simply can not stand something bad to happen or we say “if something else happens, I will not.” This often happens during the middle age crisis.
They are all those things that we have been avoiding for so many years and that somehow they will always find their way to exist. When we are ready to stop running and surrender to our pain, we can release what is holding us back and move on. Empty your glass and then continue.
10. You are hard on yourself
Self-acceptance and humility go together. This means that we are perfect, just as we are. If someone keeps the score – they have to stop. Life is about learning and evolution, not about evaluating our actions and karma. And when we can forgive ourselves for things we did not know then, and which we now know, we go on the path of love and self-acceptance.
11. You do not trust your intuition
We all have instincts. A glimmer of insight or an inner voice that guides the decision-making process, but it is your choice to listen or not. Do what serves you first.
12. You do not follow your heart
The heart knows you more time than your conscious mind, which took time to process your emotions. You will always feel a gentle sting, an inner signal as to whether or not you should make an important decision.
But it is common for this particular sting to be overlooked; the brain’s emotional processes, which blur the mind and eventually mislead us usually bury it, making a hasty move.
So always give yourself time to separate emotions, intuition, and common sense. Trust your instincts and believe that life and love always find their way.